My unique spiritual journey...

I was raised Catholic in a large Italian family.  So, the Roman Catholic Church and its practices are familiar to me.  That is the spiritual home I grew up in, however, I am unsure if it is the spiritual home I belong to.  I never fully felt like it was my home, if that makes sense.  I have never felt at home at any church I have attended, for that matter.  I have gone to many different sects of Christian churches and I have even attended some Jewish services .  While Buddhism is appealing for many reasons, I find it hard to believe that there is no creator in this existence. 

I am also always curious as to how there are so many Bible versions, interpretations and translations.  Some with clear contradictions to one another, including the Old Testament.  And there are scholars every day coming out to point out quite different interpretations that disparage everything we were told…Interpretations that would shatter an entire religion.  It is impossible to know what is right, and oddly for me, I do not need to define it, I only need to feel connected. 

I do not need to know exactly what God is, or which ancient text is the correct one.  What I do know is that there is a creator, there is a wonderful higher power that has created everything.  Life is too balanced and perfect for it to be an accident.   What I also know is that every ancient text was written by man, and contains wisdom we can use for guidance as we navigate this world.  They are interesting to read, and do provide some wonderful parables and stories that we can draw from when choosing how to live our life. 

When I go to different services, I have never felt a full connection with God, and that was always weird to me.  How could I go to Church, be among hundreds of different people all praying for the same thing, and not feel that energy or have it change me?  (Especially when I feel energy from a stranger across a crowded restaurant.)  I love when I see people so positively effected by prayer, religious services or worship music.  I can see it in their eyes how happy they are, how fulfilled they feel and how connected and content they are.  I have never felt that way in any service I have attended.  Not even a Born-Again Christian Cantata, which might have been the most energetic and prolific service I have ever attended.   It was beautiful, but I did not share in the feeling of connecting to God that so many others had in that same room, right next to me.  

The services that I feel most comfortable in are Roman Catholic, but that is because I am familiar with them and raised in them… it is like going back home to a house I grew out of.  There is tremendous comfort and nostalgia in it, but it is no longer home to me.  I never found myself identifying with any other religion though, so I remained Roman Catholic in association. 

It is quite the internal struggle to know with every fiber of my being that God is real and always with us… that there is a Creator that is guiding us but not identifying a way to worship or connect with God in any worship service.  So, I started to dig deep into my soul and take a step back from all religions.  I tried to focus on what made me feel a connection to God… when did I have that sparkle in my eyes, and that energy flowing through my body?  When did I feel a lack of connection and how did I rekindle that connection? 

As I grew older, I did notice that some relationships with people took me further away, and others brought me closer to God.  I noticed I felt always at peace in nature, always.  I did not matter what was happening, but if I made it to the beach and watched the ocean, I reconnected.  If I went into a garden, or a forest, I reconnected.  As much as I dislike the cold weather, I would feel such peace when I would go for a walk just as it started to snow…even if I was in the city!  I sleep best when it is raining outside.  I go to the big oak tree in my back yard when I am feeling stressed, take my shoes off and tell my worries to the tree… and I feel connected. 

COVID was the big eye opener for me and allowed me to see so many things about myself and how I connected with God.  I realized that my connection to God is in my community, in my family and in nature.  That is where my eyes light up, my energy is the highest and I feel the most joy, purpose and connection.  With COVID, my soul was starved from almost all of that, and I felt it.  Had I not had my children with me every day, I would have died.  I was home with the kids as my job went remote, but my husband still had to travel into the city every day, leaving at 4am and would not get home until almost 5pm. 

I am so grateful for that time with my kids.  It was incredible on so many levels.  But I would be lying if I did not admit I was battling a very big depression.  My kids spent a lot of time outside during that year in New York.  We had a lovely terraced, woodsy, back yard that they loved to explore.  And I would often sit at the picture windows watching them play joyfully with our dog while I worked.  It melted my heart and I felt such gratitude for them.  We did a million things together too, which brought complete joy to my heart.  During the times that I had to arrange for them to be doing something without me because of a trial that I had, my heart sank.  It was bizarre to me… they were just in another room watching a movie or occupying themselves, but I was unable to engage with them, as I had to go online and into virtual court, and I struggled with the fact that I could not attend to them. 

There was a time when I felt like I was going to have a breakdown.  Not because I was alone with the kids, that was what saved me.  But more that I felt so disconnected from everyone I loved.  They were all living in isolation and fear, and when I spoke with each one of them, there was no connection, just discourse for some reason… whether it was their opinion of the world, their opinion of me, their fear-based living or conflict they were having in their own bubble.  I had thought we had such a connected family, and the fact that the news and a virus was able to separate us, crushed me…completely.  I lived for my family- they were a part of my identity, and it was crushing to discover that they did not have the same need that I did, to be together, despite anything and everything else.   

Suddenly, as if God saw me at the end of my rope, my husband was “exposed to COVID” and mandated to stay home for 2 weeks.  He was perfectly fine, and never got sick, and I had my other half home with me all day for two weeks.  I needed that connection more than I ever knew was possible.  My dad came over every Sunday, at a minimum, and we all looked forward to his company.  My kids would wait for him to arrive on Sundays, running up and down the driveway to see if his car was coming.  And walking him to his car at the bottom of the driveway when he left.  I am so thankful he did not live in fear and came over to see us often.   

I had a few friends and two relatives that were of the same philosophy as I was during that time, and we remained connected and got together as often as possible.  I appreciated those connections, and noticed how I felt more connected in this existence when I saw those family or friends.  My kids and I went to the beach all the time, though not the ocean, where I normally reconnect.  Those beaches were almost impossible to get into during COVID because of the restrictions, and so we went to our local beaches on the bay.  Still beautiful, but there is something about the vastness and power of the ocean that resets my soul. 

It is not that I do not enjoy being alone… in fact, it is quite the opposite.  I often need to have time alone to be in silence and to listen to my thoughts, to observe the signs and messages sent to me by God or my deceased relatives who I know are still with me, and to have peace so as to get a clear picture of my current situation.  There is a balance that needs to exist, and we should have a free flow between them without restriction. 

As I reflect and review my life and what has brought me connection and joy, has been the moments when I was either surrounded by loved ones, surrounded by community, surrounded by nature, and in serving my loved ones and community.  In those moments that I felt the reason for my existence and my connection with God.  It is where I am filled with an energy that I cannot explain, that takes over me and flows through me.  It is when I am serving those I love or care for, in some way or act of service, that I feel most connected to the Creator.  And, in those moments that I have alone, in silence, it is where I receive my guidance to continue with my service, and where I receive the messages letting me know I am not alone, even when I am physically alone.  I realized that it is my connection to others, whether they are on this plane of existence or the next plane, is what life is all about.  And service to those connections is how we show gratitude for this existence, and the next. 

For me, being in nature is proof of God. 

The power of the ocean

The majesty of the mountains, volcanos and rock formations

The life given by magnificent trees and plants

The incredible beauty of flowers

The delicious and immense variety of fruit and vegetables that grow

The crystal clear and mineral rich pools of the natural springs

The fact that cactus or a whole oasis can grow in a vast dessert, or that there

is a vast desert to begin with and life has adapted to it

The thick and lush life that exists in a rain forest

The vast ocean and marine life that exists, some of which we do not know about…

The fine balance that exists in each ecosystem is almost impossible, and the way an ecosystem survives or adapts despite an imbalance is even more impossible.  All of it can only exist because of God.  You can literally feel the energy of the Earth and connect to that energy, which can only exist because of God.  The emotions I feel are overwhelming when surrounded by that energy, and the connection I feel is too great to explain.  But I feel it, and I know it.  And when I live my life surrounded by family, community, service and nature, ensuring I am using and consuming items from nature, I find myself to be most connected to my creator. 

I do not need to define that connection; I only need to experience it.  I do not need doctrine to help clarify my life, but rather use doctrine as contemplative thought as I look for and experience the many signs given to me as I navigate this existence.  I know that love and gratitude are the only ways of living as God intended.  I know that living a holistic life that treats my body with respect and learns about the power of nature, is the way to show gratitude to God.  And I know that protecting, serving and loving our family, community and children, is a way of serving God. In my life, those experiences have always brought me back to God, and I know I am not alone. 

In a world that seems to be insisting I go in the opposite direction, away from my connection with the Creator, I feel it is important to preserve and connect with others who find they have the same experience as I do.  I respect every religion and variation of each religion.  I think they are all beautiful in their own way, and I adore the traditions that accompany each religion.  I do not disparage anyone’s ability to connect with God.  We are all so unique in every way, I can only believe that God has a unique relationship with each one of us.  Just like we can get Vitamin C from many different foods, we can connect with God through many different paths.  One is not better than the other, but this is my path, and I welcome anyone who wants to walk it with me. 

That is why I have created The House of Natural Living.